


Constants.

by Fairylights4672



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gallifrey angst, Hurt/Comfort, This has like no cannon lore, just enjoy it, spoilers for season 12, the master just wants the doctors attention tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22214455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairylights4672/pseuds/Fairylights4672
Summary: “Gallifrey.” She whispered. The word seemed to need to be shoved out, and the Doctor realised how difficult this would be for her. She was about to come face to face with everything she’d been running from for hundreds of years.At least five bodies, five versions of her running and hoping she’d never be trapped in the situation where she had to say what she didn’t want too. And now that it was finally here, she felt as if her insides were being ripped out of her. Her mind was screaming at her to turn in the other direction, to go, and not look back and not ever breath her home planet’s name again.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 220





	Constants.

The Doctor frowned as the TARDIS jolted to a halt. Yaz caught her eye across the console, mirroring her reaction. 

“Doctor? What’s wrong?” She asked. 

“This isn’t where we were supposed to land.” She could tell, could taste it in the atmosphere. They had been on their way to a salt planet. And it didn’t taste salty. 

“Did we get off course?” Ryan asked. 

“No, no. The TARDIS doesn’t get off course.” She skidded her way towards the door, friends close behind her. “She’s taken us here for a reason. Or- something has.” Her voice lowered, the last sentence more for herself than anyone else. 

“Is it safe?” Yaz glanced at the others over the Doctor’s shoulder, which shrugged. 

“Only one way to find out.” The Time lord opened the door, surprised at what she saw in front of her. 

“Do you recognise it, Doc?” Graham looked out at the dauntingly long, dark corridor, stretching out in front of them. 

“No.” She shook her head slightly, before gingerly stepping out of the TARDIS, digging her sonic out from her pocket. 

She begin to scan her surroundings, lights dimly illuminating the corridor in front of them, flickering ominously. The Doctor checked the reading, and her frown only deepened. 

“What the-“ 

“What is it?” Ryan asked, and she span around to look at her friends, who had stepped out of the ship and closed the door behind them. 

“The Sonic, it can’t get a reading.” 

“Why not?” He frowned. 

“Wherever we are..it doesn’t want me to know.” 

“Surely we can ask the TARDIS.” Yaz suggested. “It’ll know, right?”

The Doctor shook off the sinking feeling she had in her gut, and pocketed her sonic, nodding. 

“Right, yes. Good thinking, Yaz!” The Time Lord stepped back toward her ship, thoughts broken by a scream. 

“Doctor!” 

The Doctor spun on her heel, breath catching in her throat. She didn’t take more than a second to consider what she was doing, before she’d taken off down the corridor. 

“Doctor! Wait!” The Time Lord kept an ear out for the three pairs of steps thundering after her, but most of her mind was engulfed by the sickening ooze in the pit of her stomach. 

Who was screaming? And why did she recognise their voice? 

Thousands of faces flipped through her mind at a million miles an hour, all terrified and needing help. The thought of any of them, looking that scared, only propelled her to the end of the corridor and skidding around a corner faster. 

And then she stopped. 

Graham almost slammed into her, at the Time Lord’s abrupt stop, and he peered over her shoulder. 

“I thought it would be longer until I saw you again.” Her voice was steely, but the Master only smiled back. 

“Aren’t you glad it wasn’t?” 

“Can’t say I’m thrilled.” The Doctor rebutted, making her way slowly up the stairs and into the console room of the Master’s TARDIS. “Who’s voice was that?” His eyebrows raised in genuine shock. 

“You don’t remember her?” He asked. “I suppose, at your age, all the humans you’ve let die all meld into one, helpless memory. How long will it be before you forget what these ones sound like too?” The Master gestured to the three behind her, and the Doctor smelt Yaz’s perfume close to her left. 

“Doctor? How is he here?” She asked, eyes slightly wide as she looked at the Time Lord, stood forbodingly across from her. 

“It wouldn’t keep him for long.” The Doctor sighed tiredly. “He’s thousands of years old.”

“And this conversation doesn’t involve you, sweetheart.” The Master produced a small device from his pocket, and before The Doctor could bat an eyelid, a beam of light shot across the console room, and hit Yaz square in the chest. 

“Yaz!” The Doctor gasped, and Ryan rushed to her side. 

“I can’t move.” The woman gasped, eyes wide with fear. “Doctor, why can’t I move?” 

“What did you do?” She whipped around to face her old friend, who replied with a smug smirk. 

“I don’t want them trying anything funny.” He shrugged a little, shooting another at Ryan. 

“Stop!” The other Time Lord demanded. 

“Graham!” Ryan cried, but by that time it was already too late. 

The Doctor turned to face her friends, looking rather helpless. Ryan’s hands were melded to Yaz’s tense shoulders, Graham stood across from them slightly, stance defensive and slightly curled in on itself. 

“Are you hurt?” The Doctor asked. Circling them and touching their shoulders, trying to figure out the technology. They felt like stone. She knew there would be no point even attempting to use the Sonic on whatever had hit them- the Master was certainly not that stupid. 

“No. It’s just a little weird, Doc. I won’t lie.” Graham reassured the best he could. The Doctor turned on her heel and stalked towards her old friend, glaring into his weathered eyes. 

“What do you want?” She demanded, tone harsh, not what she was used to it that regeneration. 

“To talk.” 

“About what?” 

“The past.” The Master leant back against the console leisurely, pleased with himself, as the Doctor raged under his gaze. 

“You wanted a catch up? Couldn’t you have just called?” Her tone was icy, and the Doctor tried to swallow it down. 

She couldn’t let him win. 

The Time Lord was old. Old enough to have had enough pain and suffering. She was struggling between her aching hearts and the selfishness clouding her head. She had lost too many. Opened herself up to too many, who had perished in that wake. 

She would not let that happen with Graham, Ryan and Yaz. The Time Lord was too selfish to be alone, but too selfless to let them get close- to let them be put in danger. And she was no fool. She realised the Master was picking under her skin. Digging into her flesh and trying to prod and dig up things the Doctor had no intention of telling her friends. 

She couldn’t let him do that. 

“I want you to realise our likeness.” The Master pushed off of the console, towards her, and she moved too. The Time Lords circled each other like sharks, watching emotion and thought and genius flicker in one another’s eyes. 

The Doctor fronted determination, strength and as much ice cold hatred as she could muster. However, even if she was only admitting it to herself, she couldn’t manage much when it came to him. 

When she looked back, she saw scrutiny, and fascination, and smugness. 

“The only thing we share is our two hearts and the planet we were born on.” The Time Lord shot back coldly. 

“Ah, yes. Gallifrey.” The word seemed to sit on his lips, and the Doctor watched it there, before his breath pushed it out. It settled in the air and fell upon her shoulders, heavy, despite the soft way he’d murmured it. “Not much closer to figuring that one out, are you?” 

“We’re not having this conversation.” The Doctor closed it down, shut it out and put up her walls. Even in her brain she could feel his incessant nagging, scratching on the barriers she’d put up and breathing his way into the small cracks he’d managed to create over the centuries. 

“Not here?”

“Not at all.” 

“I think we are.” He circled her again, and the Doctor stood her ground, watching as he stared at her, waiting for any sign of nerves. 

The Time Lord didn’t swallow. 

“How did you feel?” He pressed further. “When you saw it?” The Doctor forced herself not to let her jaw set. She pressed down on her tongue, but the time lord cursed herself when the Master’s eyes lit up. He always noticed the subtleties. 

“Tell me Doctor. How did it feel knowing, that we’re finally the only ones left? All over again. Just you, and me.” 

“Doctor, what’s he talking about?” Ryan asked gingerly, and the Doctor jerked her head slightly, as if she were trying to shake off the question, or the Master’s scratching. 

“Get out of my head.” She ignored Ryan. But he didn’t. 

“Answer his question.”

“Get out of my head.” The Time Lord demanded, firmer as she took a step towards him. 

“It’s your head. You get me out.” She swallowed down a response, and his gaze rested on the crown of her head as she ducked it for a moment, trying to regain her composure.

Nothing would ever be more infuriating than her lack of self control when it came to him. How he got under her skin and scratched at it until she ran away from herself all over again. 

“And there it is.” His voice was soft and pleased with itself, and she glanced up to see his expression matched it perfectly. “You don’t want me out. Your doors are open.” 

“So are yours.” She rebutted, after gauging it for a moment.“You don’t want me out either.” 

“I never said I did, my dear.” 

She shook off his teasing, and stepped towards him. 

“Just let them go. I’m not playing your games.” The Time Lord attempted to glare at her old friend. 

“This isn’t a game, Doctor.” The Master frowned. “I just wanted to talk. And, since you can’t stay still for long enough to have a conversation, you’ve left me with no choice but to make your friends stay still.” She didn’t respond, and he stepped into her personal space to lean forward, and whispered, “or will you abandon them too, Doctor?” He asked lowly. “Will you leave them to save yourself, keep yourself running from the monsters you created.” 

“I’m not talking about this.” She growled. 

“No?” He asked amusedly. 

“No.” 

“Well,” he stepped back, turning to face her friends. The Doctor swallowed, slightly worried he’d do something to them. Then she wanted to punch herself, when she felt the echo of a soft smirk in her mind. “Let’s see if they want to talk about it.” 

“We’re not talking about anything the Doctor doesn’t want us to know.” Yaz immediately argued firmly. The Master wandered towards them confidently, and the Doctor followed nervously. 

“You might not. But Graham here. Graham is very interested, aren’t you?” The Time Lord wrapped an arm around Graham’s shoulder. Looking nervously between the two Time Lords, her friend swallowed tightly. 

“Graham, what’s he talking about?” Ryan asked. 

“Back when you all thought I was O, Graham and I got talking about ‘The Doc’,” the master threw up quotation marks. “I told him I had many files, and he could read them if he liked. Whilst we didn’t get round to it, he was more than willing.” 

The Doctor’s gaze hardened only slightly. Part of her was annoyed at Graham, for being perfectly ready to prod into her business. The other part knew that humans couldn’t help their dangerous curiosity. She’d brought it on herself anyway- being so secretive. 

“Graham! Why would you do that?” Yaz would’ve rounded on him if she could’ve. 

“Well it was before I realised the Doc hadn’t told us for a reason.” He reasoned. “I thought it just- hadn’t come up in conversation.” 

“Well, since we never got round to it, would you like to now?” The Master asked, obviously smug at the disruption he was causing. 

“No. Not if the Doc doesn’t want me to know.” Graham immediately refused, and the Doctor’s faith in him was quickly returned, with a quiet smile. 

The Master tutted, removing himself from her friend and jutting out his pointer finger. 

“Should we see if that’s the truth?” He asked. 

“Don’t you dare-“ the Doctor stepped forward as he placed the finger to Graham’s temple, and closed his eyes. 

“Doctor, what’s he doing?” The concern in Ryan’s voice for his step-dad was obvious. The Time Lord strode over and grabbed the Master’s wrist, tugging him away from Graham, who looked heavily disoriented.

“Stop it.” She demanded, as he opened his eyes, pleased and focused. “You want to dig in someone’s mind, dig in mine.” 

“I already do.” Was his surprisingly soft reply, as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The Doctor, no matter how many times she met him, would never be completely ready for the way her friend flipped between aggression and gentleness, like they weren’t polar opposites. 

“I’m sorry, Doctor.” He said gently, and for a moment she forgot to keep her eyes hard. They softened under his tone, and his seemed to in return. “The curiosity’s there. They want to know.” 

“I know.” She breathed. 

“Why have you suddenly cut yourself off?” He asked, voice returning to its usual volume. “Why now?” 

“You know why. You’re in my head.” 

“I know you’ve never admitted it. Not out loud. You’ve never admitted that you’re scared.” 

“I have.” She could think of several instances, but still the sickly feeling in her stomach told her she knew what he really meant. 

“Not that you’re scared of yourself.” 

She looked at him hard for a moment, before pulling away from his grip and turning away. 

“Doctor?” Yaz asked gingerly.

“I’m doing you a kindness.” The Master said calmly. “I’m letting you tell them yourself. I could just do it myself.” 

The Time Lord whirled around, fury and betrayal and hurt burning in her dark eyes. When she turned, she was closer to him than she expected, but she didn’t back down. 

“You are not kind.” The Doctor growled. “You are the darkness in my life.” 

“Not the only one.” He murmured. “You seem to have a habit of running back towards the darkness in the corner of your mind. Always running back to me. Always ending back up where we started. Always ending up back in Gallifrey.” 

He watched her reaction to the name again, and her lip curled in a thin line. 

“Gallifrey is on your conscience. I won’t let it be on mine.” She practically spat, turning towards her friends. They all looked quite bewildered. Yaz looked like she wanted to intervene, or reach out and help. But the three of them seemed to understand that this was a conversation that needed to be had sooner or later, and that it would be smarter to not interrupt. 

“Well I don’t have a conscience, so it’s got to be on someone’s.” The Master shrugged, carelessly. 

The Doctor felt a red hot fury clouding her mind, and by the looks of it, her friend felt it too, excitement lighting up his eyes. 

“Your fury. It’s beautiful, Doctor.” He said softly. 

“You’ll count.” Her voice sounded detached all of a sudden, even to herself, and the Time Lord turned away from them all, instead staring at the console. 

“Count? Count what?” The Master sounded genuinely confused. 

“The children.” 

There was a thick silence, but the Doctor supposed it could’ve been the thick lump in her throat as well. 

“I’ve never counted them before. On any other planet.” He retaliated, clearly put off by the walls she’d put up in her mind. The Time Lord felt too vulnerable, she didn’t want anyone in there- not even herself. 

“You will.” 

There was a pause behind her. 

“Did you?”

The question was a loaded one. Did you count the children you murdered? Did you regret it? How many sleepless nights did you spend trying to count each and every one of them? How many nights did you spend recounting to make sure not one child was left out and forgotten? Were you counting because you knew there was no one left to remember them? Or because you felt you had a responsibility? Because you felt you failed them? Because you killed them all?

“2.47 billion.” 

No one breathed. 

“Doc?” Graham asked, voice strained. She turned to see a tear rolling down his cheek, something she hadn’t been expecting. “What did you do?” 

“Graham, don’t.” Ryan said, but the Doctor could tell all of their resolves were weakening, their human curiosity ever getting the best of them. 

“No, no. You have a right to know. If you are to be travelling with her, don’t you think you ought to know about her past?” The Master teased mercilessly. The three of them didn’t answer, only staring helplessly at her. 

“Yes.” Her voice came out surprisingly strained. “But it’s going to be on my terms. Not yours.” The Doctor turned to face the Master, who pursed his lips slightly in annoyance. “Why do you want me to tell them so badly anyway?” She asked. 

“Because I want you to say it out loud.” There was suddenly a fury in his eyes, and he stepped forward and grabbed her wrist roughly, tugging her close to him. 

She let him. 

“You. You-“ he hissed, jabbing a finger to her chest. She watched the waves of anger flick through his eyes, and when the Time Lord had decided on what words to use, his grip only tightened, nails digging into her skin. “You aren’t right, Doctor.”

“About what?” She asked calmly. 

“About yourself. You think you’re right, you convince everyone you’re morally just. But you’re a mass murderer, and you’ve been running away from it for years.” 

His words hung heavy in the air. 

“The species you’ve destroyed. Have you counted their children as well?” He asked. “Or are the Time Lord’s all that mattered? Because they’re your species?” 

“I fixed my mistake.” The Doctor rebutted. His jaw set, and he tugged her chest to chest. 

“Genocide, is not a mistake.” He hissed. 

She heard a small intake of breath from the other side of the room. The Doctor didn’t know who’s it was. 

She swallowed thickly, and his gaze dropped down to her throat when she did. His eyes softened and he moved the hand with a vice grip on her wrist, to take her hand. The other moved to the small of her back, and the Doctor held on as she was lead slowly and absently around the console in some kind of maniacal tango. 

She’d always hated how comfortable and at home the Master had made her feel. He had a bone crushing grip on her hand, and it hurt, yet his gaze was so soft and she could feel the slow beating of two hearts. It was a noise she had found to be rather lonely, and listening to someone else’s, made it feel less so. 

Despite the ever present malice and danger intertwined in their relationship, the Master would always feel like home. Even if he was the one that had destroyed it, he was one of the only constants she’d ever known. 

“You have to tell them, my love.” His voice was gentle, and he finally let go of her hand, instead his came to rest at the base of her neck, where he absently twisted strands of hair together. There were pin pricks of pain at her scalp, and she breathed deeply. The Doctor had come to realise, any comforting touch from her old friend, would not be, without the tinge of pain that inevitably came with it. That constant was almost comforting in itself. 

“You didn’t have to force my hand.” Her palms rested on his back, and her tone was defeated, and tired. 

“It’s just a nudge. I can shove if you want me too.” Her friend reassured. 

“No.” She stood back a little, yet his hand stayed firmly planted on her back. “I’ll tell them.” 

His face spread into a grin. 

“On one condition.” 

His grin dropped. 

“You have to let them go.” 

“After?”

“Before.” She frowned sternly. 

“How do I know you won’t just run?” He asked. 

“You don’t seem like you’re going to let me go anywhere.” The Doctor reasoned, pulling back completely. “And I’m on your TARDIS. You could keep me running round in circles for days before I get back to mine.” 

He narrowed his eyes, frowning deeply at her. It was clear he wasn’t convinced. 

“And...because..” She didn’t want to say it, but it was true. Trying to hold together some dignity, she looked him in the eye. “Because you were right.”

His eyes lit up with surprise, which quickly morphed into pure delight. 

“What was that?” He asked quietly. 

“You were right. About not running away anymore.” The Doctor repeated firmly, rolling her eyes at his expression- like a kid in a candy store. “Now let them go.” 

He gave in. 

“Fine. Your wish is my command, my dearest.” He made his way past her, but not before pulling her into his side and pressing a feather light kiss to her temple. 

The Doctor watched as he picked up whatever he’d used to freeze her friends, her temple burning comfortably as they were released, all but dropping to the ground. 

She raced to their side, leaving her heavy weight where she’d just been stood for a moment, as she collected Ryan and Yaz in her arms, holding them close as Graham shuffled over. 

“Hey, it’s ok. You’re ok.” She reassured. This felt right, she was doing what she knew how to do- make people feel a little better. 

She pressed a soft kiss to Yaz’s head, and then Ryan’s, and then she pulled Graham the rest of the way into their hug. 

“Doctor, please. What’s happening?” Yaz asked, eyes large and worried. “What does he mean by genocide?” 

“And what did you mean about the 2.47 billion children? What happened to the children?” Graham pressed.

The Doctor stepped back slowly, away from them and away from the Master, who had been looking rather bored at the sappy reunion. 

“Gallifrey.” She whispered. The word seemed to need to be shoved out, and the Doctor realised how difficult this would be for her. She was about to come face to face with everything she’d been running from for hundreds of years. 

At least five bodies, five versions of her running and hoping she’d never be trapped in the situation where she had to say what she didn’t want too. And now that it was finally here, she felt as if her insides were being ripped out of her. Her mind was screaming at her to turn in the other direction, to go, and not look back and not ever breath her home planet’s name again. 

The Time Lord’s knees were weak, and her hearts felt as if they were about to explode. 

There was no moisture in her throat as the words became to come out, rough and grating against each other. 

“Gallifrey was in a war. The Time Lords- they were fighting the Daleks. It had gone on for so long, and so many people had died. I- I knew something had to be done.” 

She glanced at the Master, for, on the odd chance, some reassurance. She only found something that looked like hunger in his eyes. It made her feel sick to her stomach- to see his reaction to something like what she’d done. 

“So- I- I found something to end it. To end it all.” Her insides felt like they were burning up, and she winced visibly, before raising her head. 

“The Moment.” The word was a breath, and she could almost see her. “I ended it all. I ended the Time War.” 

She spared a glance at her friends. Graham looked positively horrified, and The Doctor could still see Yaz’s tears, despite her best attempts to hide them. Ryan’s eyes were hard and serious, but he looked fairly blank. 

“I..I couldn’t live with myself. So I ran, for years. Centuries. Trying to tell myself I could make up for it. I could fix what I’d done, by saving others. But..that wasn’t true. It was still a hole in my hearts.” 

She winced and put a hand to her stomach as it clenched painfully. The Master’s eyebrows twitched in confusion and contemplation in her peripheral. 

“So..after a lot of complication..I went back. To make it easier for myself. So I didn’t have to do it alone. But..someone, someone I loved convinced me I could still change things. It seemed impossible- but..but I did it. I sent Gallifrey into a pocket universe. The Daleks destroyed each other- it was as if Gallifrey had never existed.” 

“I didn’t know wether it had worked. I had no way of knowing, no way to figure out how get there even if it had.” She swallowed down the bile. “But it had, I found out. And it stayed there- safe in its bubble universe.”

The Doctor glanced at the Master, his eyes wide with anticipation. He wanted her to tell them what he was done- he was proud of it. And that made her sick. 

“He destroyed it.” She said simply. “And he won’t tell me why.”

“I had too.” The Master sighed trivially, “you make it sound as if I had a choice.” 

“Everyone has a choice.” Her voice was raw, and she stepped towards him, suddenly angry again. 

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I knew.” He stepped forward defensively. 

“Nothing could make me do that. Not again. You murdered children. 2.47 billion children.” The Time Lord spat. 

“You won’t be saying that soon enough.” 

“They were children!” The Doctor was shocked at herself when her voice raised- it wasn’t something that had happened in this body. “2 and a half billion children, that you killed! And for what?!” 

“You haven’t finished!” He yelled back. 

“They’ve heard what they need too.” Her lips were pressed thinly together, and her patience was tiring. So she turned to go. 

But of course, things weren’t ever that easy with The Master. He grabbed her wrist and swung her around to face him. 

“I haven’t.” 

“And you won’t.” She retorted immediately. “I don’t owe you anything.” 

“Admit it!” He hissed. “We’re one in the same.” His nails dig into her skin, but the Doctor didn’t pull away. 

“I am nothing like you.” 

“We’re both murderers.” They locked eyes, and for a moment, the walls in her mind weakened. He immediately attacked them. “Admit it. That’s all I want to hear.” 

“I saved them.”

“You killed them first! Admit it!” He roared. “Admit that you’re too much of a coward to face what you’ve done. Admit that I’m stronger than you, because I can look myself in the eye each night.” 

“Fine!” The Doctor tugged herself back from him, and swallowed tightly. “I’m a murderer.” 

The words settled in the air, and they tasted sour and bitter on her tongue. She never wanted to say them again. Her stomach clenched again, and the Time Lord started wondering wether something was actually wrong. 

“But I am not a coward.” 

“You run away.”The Master pointed out

“Not from what matters.” She stood her ground, and completely let down her walls. She wanted him to know it was truly how she felt. “I run away from myself. But I will always, always run towards danger. I will always run towards the people that need help, because I am not a coward and I am selfless.

‘You’re not strong because you can look yourself in the eye. You’re weak, because you think that evil is something to be proud of. You’re a coward. 

‘But I’m the Doctor. And if I have to run from myself forever, I will. I’ll keep running, until there is no one left that needs my help.” 

The Master watched her for a moment, before chuckling softly. 

“You know saving people won’t stop you from feeling guilty about Gallifrey?” The Doctor felt tears cloud her vision suddenly. She knew it was true, but it still hurt to hear. 

“I know. But if I couldn’t make a difference then, I’m going to try and make one now.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as subtly as possibly, and raised her chin. “Is that what you wanted to he-“ she was cut off by a wind to the stomach, and she doubled over. 

“Doctor!” Yaz raced forward, followed by the boys. 

“I wouldn’t touch her if I were you.” The Master said calmly, as her friends reached her. Ryan’s hands hovered over her back, not sure wether to take his word or not.

The Doctor panted, and looked at her hands. The familiar burning glow fluttered around her fingers. 

“No. No..” she whispered. 

“Doctor, what’s happening?”

“Why can’t we touch her?” 

“Get away from me.” She demanded rawly, and when they didn’t move, she repeated it louder. Her friends backed away from her. The Doctor caught her old friends eyes, and allowed herself to collapse to her knees. 

He was there when she fell, holding her, as she knew he’d be, as she panted. 

“Doctor?” Ryan’s voice was filled with concern, but she barely registered it. 

“Why is this happening?” She asked weakly, as the Master shifted to cradle her in his lap, and he gently moved some hair from her face. 

“You’re hurting. Your body is just trying to heal. Doing what it knows how to do.” 

“I won’t change. I don’t want too. Not yet.” She shook her head firmly. 

“And how are you going to stop a regeneration, my dear?” He asked teasingly. 

“You’re regenerating?” Yaz squeaked slightly in the background.

“You’re going to help me.” The Doctor announced. 

“Am I? Now why would I do that?” The Master raised his eyebrows. 

“Because you hate me that much.” 

“Hm.” He considered. “Do you hate me?” 

“You know I do.” She tried to breath slowly and concentrated on controlling her body. “I despise you.” 

His eyes flashed and he smiled. 

“Well now you’re just getting saucy.” 

“Just help me.” 

“I’m relishing in the moment. You know, I don’t get this often?” The Doctor grit her teeth. Of course, this was never going to be easy. He’d always make her suffer a little. “The Doctor asking me for help.” 

She arched her back and squeezed her eyes shut, groaning in pain and effort.

“Please.” The Doctor wasn’t one to beg, but she did what she had too if the situation called for it. “Please. It hurts.” 

“Alright, alright. I’m here, don’t worry.” He took his middle and pointer finger, and gingerly pressed them to her temple. 

“Isn’t this so much nicer? Without those pests around?” He asked. Gallifreyan flittered around the darkness, faces flashing up. The Master pointed to one as it fluttered up. “Oh look, that’s me.” 

“Can we get this over and done with?” She asked, straightening. “Because this is taking a lot of energy.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He rolled his eyes and stepped towards her. His footsteps sounded like pebbles skimming on the water, as he took her arm and wrapped it around his shoulder, helping her upright. “You know where we have to go.” 

The Doctor sighed deeply. “I know.” Closing her eyes, she focused on the tear in her hearts that her body was trying to patch up. She knew it would hurt, but if she planned to stay in this new body for longer than a decade, she needed to do it. 

Suddenly, the air around them felt hot and humid, and familiar, and the Doctor opened her eyes reluctantly. 

The two of them were stood on a pile of red bricked rubble. The sky was light orange, and burning. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” The Master surveyed their home with a spark in his eyes. 

“Clearly we have different ideas about what’s beautiful in this world.” 

“You might be right.” He considered, as they stepped together down the rubble, sliding slightly. “I mean, some of your regenerations- you could’ve done better is all I’m saying.” 

She scoffed, and rolled her eyes. 

“Oh yeah? Which ones didn’t take your fancy?” She steadied himself as they reached the bottom of the pile, and began to walk in between large heaps of rubble that she could only assume used to be buildings. 

“Well, there was the one with no eyebrows. And then the next one was all eyebrows. I mean, if you ask me your regenerations are messed up.”

“I liked the eyebrows.” She considered. The throbbing in her core was less obvious in her own head, but was still enough to make her double over if her friend hadn’t been holding her up. 

“You would.” He teased lightly. For a moment, it felt almost as if they were kids again, before the fire and anguish. The banter came easy, and she was grateful for it. It distracted her, but she supposed that was probably why he was indulging her in it. 

“Well, for the record, I like this.” She gestured to his body, and he raised an eyebrow. “It suits you.” 

“That’s why I chose it.”

“Because it suits you?” She frowned. 

“Because I knew you’d like it.” The Doctor rolled her eyes and elbowed him lightly. 

“Does your life revolve around me?” She asked with a quiet scoff. 

“You know it does. I’m offended that you thought, even for a second, that it didn’t.”

She tossed him a look, but didn’t say anything else. 

“And might I say,” he continued. “There aren’t many time lords that can pull of both man and woman, but you’re certainly one of them, my love.” 

“I’m flattered.” She rolled her eyes again, this time more fondly. “Let’s just hope i can stay a woman for longer than my body plans too.” 

He only hummed in response, and they walked for a little while longer.

The Doctor looked around at her home, and it hurt even more. She could almost imagine the screaming, the crying and the pleading. The children and the pain and the suffering and the-

“Doctor, stop thinking about it.” He said sternly beside her. “You’re making it worse, I can feel it.” 

“That’s quite difficult, when it’s literally all you can see.” The Doctor huffed, stomach clenching and twisting like someone and stuck a knife in it. She doubled over with a small cry. 

The Master pulled an arm over her collarbone, stopping her from going over completely, and pulled her up again. 

“It’s ok.” He reassured helplessly. “It can’t be much further.” 

“We shouldn’t be here.” The other Time Lord heaved with effort, “it’s only making it worse.” 

“Come on.” Was his only response, and the Doctor stumbled forward with him. She tried to breath deeply, but only ended up squeezing her eyes shut in pain. 

The Doctor had wanted to stop her regenerations before, but had never actively tried this hard to prevent one. It felt like she’d shaken up a can of those fizzy drinks Ryan liked, and was trying to keep the lid on. The Doctor was trying to stop her very cells from changing, and she wasn’t sure she could do it. 

Her legs gave out and the Master went with her. Letting go of him, she put her hands on the ground and gasped, breath rattling. 

“I can’t do it.” She whispered. 

He sighed and sat down next to her, watching her carefully. 

“Why are you trying to stop it happening anyway?” The Master asked, crossing one leg under his other outstretched one, and observing her heaving shoulders. She sat up onto her knees.

“Because I don’t know how many more I’ve got. But I’m afraid it’s not many.” 

His expression changed then, to one of actual surprise, which then morphed into something that looked like his equivalent of sorrow. 

“Why not?” He asked. 

“I’m so tired.” The Doctor looked up at the smoking sky, and felt tears clogging her vision. “I wanted to make the most of this regeneration.”

The Master watched her for a moment, before reaching across her lap and taking her hand. 

“I’ll stay with you.” 

She glanced at their intertwined fingers, and then across at her old enemy. 

“They should go. You should tell them to go.” 

“They’ll be alright. They’re smart enough.” He reassured. “I won’t let it hurt them.” 

“They’ll be scared.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and the Doctor let it. 

“You’ll be terrified.” 

“Im always terrified.” 

The two of them sat in silence for a moment, and the tear dropped from her chin onto the dry ground beneath her, seeping into the earth. 

“You know,” he said softly, and she glanced up from where she’d been watching the dirt. “I...” the Doctor blinked slowly, waiting for him to finish what he was going to say. “I did count.” 

“Wh- wha-“ the Doctor didn’t get to finish her sentence, because suddenly the ground split in front of them, and the two time lords shuffled away on their hands and knees. 

“Aha! There you are!” She pushed up her on her knees, and rolled her sleeves up to the elbows. Part of her noticed how similar the crack was to the one in the wall that had plagued her for all those years. It was glowing yellow though, and seemed to be violently shaking, like it was waiting for her to release it and didn’t like being contained.

Before she plunged her arm in, the Master grabbed her wrist, and she looked up at him. 

“What?”

“You know this might not work right? And it’ll be painful.” 

“I know. I’m plunging my arm into my own wound, of course it’ll hurt. But it’s the best chance I’ve got.” 

He chewed on his lip for a moment, before huffing through his nostrils and throwing off his own coat. 

“Fine.”

The Doctor took a deep breath, before plunging her arm into the crack. 

It felt like someone had stabbed a red hot knife into her hearts, and the Time Lord was taken aback by how much it actually did hurt. 

The Master watched her reaction concernedly, before slowly putting his arm in as well. 

The Doctor would rather have just died right there on the spot. 

It burnt like a thousand suns and no matter how much she focused on slowly running her hand up the wall of the break, it would not distract her from the searing pain. 

Tears pricked at her eyes, and if she was yelling, the Doctor couldn’t hear it over the overwhelming hissing plaguing her ears. 

It was too loud and she could hear screaming and crying and every single voice she’d ever heard and then-

‘Contact.’ A whisper. 

She glanced up at the Master, but he had his head down, focusing on the crack. 

“You’ll hurt.” She gasped shakily. 

“Let me in.” He glanced up, and looked at her. His eyes were firm, and determined. 

She nodded and closed her eyes. 

‘Contact.’ 

The Doctor actually jolted at the rush of pain that went to her head, and then disappeared. She panted and glanced at her friend. 

He had his eyes scrunched shut, and the Doctor swallowed. The pain was there, but it was more bearable now. So she focused on closing the break. 

Her hand felt along the Earth, and she felt it close up behind her. The two of them worked, closing the hole, hands working closer together. 

When their hands met, he wrapped his around hers, but it wasn’t aggressive. It was like it used to be. 

They worked their hands up together, sealing it as the earth pulled back together after their fingertips. When they pulled their hands out, the crack sealed. 

The speed at which everything rushed back into her body was enough to knock the Doctor off of her knees and send her sprawling onto her front. 

She coughed up dust, and breathed, heaving onto the hot earth. She pressed her cheek to the dirt, hair falling into her face as she caught her breath. 

She felt whole again, like her body wasn’t going anywhere. 

“You’re alright.” There was a hand rubbing at her back, and the Doctor pushed up onto her elbows. 

“Are you?” She coughed slightly. 

“Yeah. Just..tingly.” 

“Ew.”

“You asked.” 

“We should get back. I’ve been up in my head way too long.” She slowly pushed herself up onto her knees again. The Master was looking a little sadly at her. “What is it?” 

“When we’re out of here, you’re going to run, aren’t you?” 

“Would I be me if I didn’t?” She asked. “You got what you wanted anyway.” 

“I’ll never get what I want when it comes to you.” He scoffed softly. 

“It wouldn’t be any fun if you did, would it?” 

“When will i see you again?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. The Doctor shrugged. 

“When you want to see me again.” She watched him carefully, and he smiled a little. It was a teasing smile, but a genuine one. 

“I look forward to it.” 

“I don’t.” The look in her eyes said otherwise. 

“I hate you.” 

The Doctor shuffled the little distance between them, and pulled him close by the lapels of his waistcoat. 

She kissed him gently, and briskly. Despite the new bodies, he felt familiar and warm. Probably too warm, and it almost burned, but it was comforting and gentle, despite the ins and outs of their relationship. 

She pulled away, and he didn’t look surprised, only knowing and almost fond.

“I despise you.” She whispered. 

-

The TARDIS was quiet whilst the Doctor was flying them back home. 

Ryan was sat on the steps, Graham was looking at his shoes, towards the entrance, and Yaz was stood a little away form the console, eyes on the Doctor. She found it a little unnerving, but pretended not to notice. 

“We’re here!” She grinned widely. They looked up at her, and she didn’t get a smile back. “Sorry it’s not the day we were planning.”

“It’s ok Doc. Not your fault.” Ryan and Graham came to join Yaz on the other side of the console, and the Doctor moved round to join them, because she felt as if she had too. 

The Time Lord was feeling incredibly awkward. 

But it melted away when her friends wrapped her in a tight hug, which she returned after a second of surprise. 

“If it’s any consolation, Doc.” Graham said quietly, as he pulled away. She winced slightly, unsure of what he was going to say. “The difference between him and you. What makes you still a good person, is the fact that you counted.” 

She swallowed tightly, and nodded. 

“Thank you Graham. It means a lot to hear that.” She smiled a small smile, which he returned before turning to the door. 

“We’ll see you soon!” He waited for Ryan at the doorway, who squeezed the Doctor’s hand reassuringly. 

“From now on though, Doctor. You tell us what’s going on. We can’t help you if you hide stuff from us.” 

“I know. I will.” It was a promise the Doctor knew at some point she would have to break, as she always did, but she appreciated it all the same. 

“I’ll see you later.” Ryan followed Graham out, and closed the door behind them. Yaz didn’t seem to be going anywhere. 

“Yaz, are you ok?” The Doctor asked, and her friends eyebrows creased. 

“I..I wanted to know..more.” She admitted gingerly. 

“About what? Gallifrey?”

“No.” She shook her head. “The Master.”

The Doctor ducked her head and nodded slightly, moving to sit on the stairs she’d been on when she’d found out what he’d done to Gallifrey. 

Yaz sat next to her. 

“What do you want to know?” She asked. 

“Who is he? Really?” Yaz frowned. 

“He’s a Time Lord.” The Doctor sighed slightly. “We were best friends as children. But..like I said, we went different ways. He was exiled. And I lost..everything.” She explained. “And now we’re the only two left.” 

“Why hasn’t one of you killed the other yet?” Yaz frowned. 

“It’s complicated. He comes after me, tries to hurt me, but he doesn’t want me dead. All he wants is for us to be on the same side. And I suppose, I want that too.” She admitted. “He’s one of the only constants I’ve ever known.” 

Yaz nodded slowly in understanding. 

“So, why are you still fighting?” 

“We’ve tried to work together. Sometimes it works. But he thinks anarchy is beautiful. I think peace is beautiful. We’re polar opposites.” 

“Do you hate him?” She asked. “Everything he’s done to you, but you don’t want him dead. Is it because you’re the last two left?” 

“I suppose.” She considered. It felt a little weird to try and explain her relationship with the Master. It just, was how it was. They’d never had to try and justify it before. “Yeah. I guess that’s part of it. And I mean..I just, can’t find it in my heart to hate him. Don’t get me wrong, I know how bad of a person he is, and I despise everything he’s done. But I can’t despise him.” 

“Why not?” She asked gently. 

“Because..” the Doctor shrugged helplessly. “Maybe because I feel partially responsible for what happened to him. And he knows me. I don’t have to hide anything from him.” 

“And why doesn’t he hate you?” Yaz asked. The Doctor picked at her trousers. 

“Maybe because I’m the only other Time Lord? Or because I’m one of the only people to have shown him compassion?” She suggested. In all honesty, she’s never be sure. He’d never admit it anyway. “We’ll always come running for one another. As far as he’s concerned, he’s the only enemy I’m allowed to have.” 

Yaz didn’t say anything for a moment. 

“Do you love him? Even after what he did to Gallifrey?” 

The Doctor picked a spot ahead of her and stared at it. How could she answer that question? How could she even begin to explain to Yaz their relationship. 

“I don’t love the Master.” She chose her words carefully. “But I can’t find it in my heart to turn away the boy that I know he still is, deep inside.” She glanced at Yaz, who had a deep frown on her face. 

“Well,” she said softly. “If we ever run into him again, I’ll look for that boy.” 

“Good.” She smiled gently. “Maybe if more people did, less little boys would turn into what he is now.” 


End file.
